After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
