she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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