i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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