So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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