Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
