Just took my morning after pill in the library
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
