awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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