I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
