Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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