and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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