She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
