u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I would ride that face into the sunset
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
