..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
