Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
