I'm gonna have a badass scar
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
