$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
