Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
