Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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