OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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