the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
