Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
