oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
