ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
