I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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