Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
