Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
