every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry about my life...
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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