You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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