It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
