Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
