dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
