i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
