Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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