My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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