it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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