Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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