Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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