she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
