that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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