I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
