I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize