was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
