Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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