i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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