____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
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