I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
