That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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