making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
