new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
