And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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