WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
