I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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