hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
