guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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