did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Buhtt sex?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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