The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Randomize
