Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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