Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Houston, we have a squirter
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
