Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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