for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Brb crying the tears of my youth
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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