Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
