im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
