sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
