Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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