id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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