I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Randomize
