i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
