ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
