it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
