You can't motorboat a personality
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
