So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize