your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
