I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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