wanna go halves on a baby?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
